If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour...

Living in the moment is hard to do when this moment and the past two weeks of moments have pretty much had me laid up. During weeks of "nothing," my mind wanders a lot to what could be and what will be and sometimes even what should be lying ahead once the phase of "nothing" has passed. I spent the past weekend in Chattanooga, Tennessee, visiting my oldest sister Deb, her husband Jared, and their precious 8.5-month-old baby Leo. I mostly enjoyed (laying around) watching my sister love all over her baby. She's in such a good mood these days, even though she's working full time, working on her Master's in Accounting, and trying to spend as much time as possible with her baby. Girl is driven, and she always has been. It's admirable and infectious. She spent a lot of our visitation time talking to Rebecca and me about how we need to move on up to her level, too. She was telling Becca to take that leap in her job field (accounting) and push herself to do those jobs she doesn't think she can do, because chances are Little-Miss-3.89-GPA-Honors-Liberty-Graduate probably can do a lot more than she feels capable of doing. Along with that little push, Deb's decided she's going to marry me off to her best friend's little Army brother ("Leo needs some cousins!"). She's ready to see her baby sisters all grown up with her, but most of all, she's ready to be the loving sister to us that she didn't know how to be before. It's a beautiful thing. Almost brings a tear to my eye.

So I've been trying to have more of a focus in my future as opposed to a list of possibilities. It's like going through high school saying you might go to this college or that college until your senior year when you actually have to choose one and go to it. Now it's my senior year of college, and that next choice is coming. I've seen a lot of stressed out, directionless seniors since my freshman year of college, and I really pray to God I don't have to be like that this whole next year. I'd like for this next year not to be a year of anticipation during which I lie in wait for what the real world brings. I want to enjoy it for all it brings in each moment. I'm ready to be grown up like my big sisters but not at the expense of losing the joy of my final coddled year. A year of preparation is still a year to be lived in full.