As if it matters at this point, I had a discussion with my dad today about all the reasons I dislike the math major I am getting at my school. There are a lot of reasons, and they got brought up again when my mother entered the car. Her immediate response was, "You should still stay dedicated to it because God has you doing math for a reason." That is true, though I can't help but assume God has me doing math for the sake of getting a degree. It's so hard not to be pessimistic about these last four math classes I have to take in order to graduate in May. Sometimes I dread going back to school in August because of these classes. I also dread the college challenge of time management, especially now that I'm a senior and my time there is running out.
At the end of last semester, I felt convicted to do more ministerially next school year. With a strong desire to see others as well as myself feel purposeful, I applied to lead the freshmen Bible study at the Baptist Collegiate Ministries. God has inspired me with a lot of ideas for it, so I felt pretty secure in this calling from the moment I met up with Jc to tell her my general plan. That sense of security is even greater now that my pastor has asked me to teach the youth Sunday school class for a few weeks in July at my home church, and he was absolutely thrilled when I told him my game plan for freshman group and how much I'd like to use that for the youth as well. So now God is even being gracious enough to give me a better sense of how to approach this before I even approach the freshmen, and that is pretty awesome.
Also at the end of last semester, I got together with Mike and Missie Dudley, a couple who walked onto campus my freshman year with an awesome Bible study, and they even started a Sunday evening service right in the middle of campus my sophomore year. The service didn't happen anymore my junior year, much to many attendees' dismay. I thought it'd be pretty sweet if we could pull it back together and start up that service again next year. Mike and Missie seemed pretty jazzed at the idea, but over the course of this summer, I've been getting the sense that this probably won't happen. The Dudleys have their hands full with Mike's job as youth minister at their church, so they haven't responded to any messages I've left them about the service on campus. I realize I could go on without them and get all the contacts made myself, but that got me feeling pretty conflicted. See, I know that God wants me to suck it up and work my butt off in my math classes this coming year, and I also know that He is preparing me for freshman group. If I were to take on pulling together an entire service every Sunday evening on campus, I am quite sure I won't be either the math student or the Bible study leader God has clearly called me to be. Not to mention the (at least) 12 hours I'll be working on campus each week, as well as my tutoring job.
I don't want to back down from the daunting task of starting up a service on campus single-handedly simply out of fear or doubt that I can't do it. I want to back down because it's not where God wants my focus and my energies to be. In a lot of ways, this coming year already looks daunting to me. I don't know how to prepare myself for it mentally and emotionally, because I know how much college has screwed with me in both those areas already. I've just gotta trust that God has me there with a purpose and obey Him by doing these things I know I have to do. I pray to be a better friend, student, employee, roommate, daughter, sister, and whatever other roles I fill while I'm there. I mean, I've still got two months to live before this happens, but I want to make sure I'm seeking God before I'm seeking tomorrow, two months from now, or even a year from now.
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But by your mom's logic, if you switched to a different major, you'd be doing that major because God has you doing it for a reason, wouldn't you? I'm not saying you should switch or something, but I don't understand that thought.
ReplyDeleteOh, and is it a requirement that I tell you 'verdly' and 'lodenti'?
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I don't often understand my mother's logic either, but I've learned to understand what she really means by such statements sometimes. It was kind of her way of saying I've come this far and it really would be even more difficult to switch and God must have a purpose for all the math I've already done. She even followed up saying what I said about how I really am just getting the college degree.
ReplyDeleteWe like to come up with definitions for the word verifications. I don't have to know them, but if you want to join the definition game, please do.