"About Ecclesiastes" Revisited

I recently told my sister Rebecca that I almost always go straight to Ecclesiastes whenever I'm feeling spiritually dry or apathetic. Like most others, she thought my choice in spiritual boost to be interesting if not odd. I began this entire blog on the foundation of a post I wrote a year and a half ago about Ecclesiastes. I didn't really know why I had started up another blog to write that business of my heart down, but it felt absolutely refreshing after a rather immature, superficial blog I kept up in late middle school-early high school. I also wrote that post when I was living with my first college roommate, Gilmore. She's not a Christian, which at the time of meeting her was a huge appeal to me. We were both cynics to the maximum coming into college, and her judgements, questions, and general attitude toward life mirrored mine so beautifully that I moved into her room a month or two into my first semester at college. It became expected that we'd pretty much engage in deep philosophical conversation almost every time we were together. Whenever she went to class, I'd do my homework waiting for her to come back. We got so wrapped up in our own little world and our own amazing thoughts and ideas, but eventually I realized I had already made a choice about a lot of ideas about purpose in life that we so frequently discussed. I remember admitting to Gilmore in Seacobeck during orientation week that I was a Christian, and I grimaced a bit in anticipation of her reaction. I figured she'd hate me because I for sure knew that I couldn't stand the American Christian stereotype. She dispelled my fear, though, when her reaction was a simple, "Oh, alright, that's cool."

And so I figured Christianity was fair game to talk about with her. The only problem was that I realized how much I really did not know about the Bible. I started studying it more for the sake of teaching it to her, and when I thought to go to Ecclesiastes, my heart swelled at the thought of introducing her to Solomon, the man of wisdom. I read part of Ecclesiastes to her one day, and she stared at me open-mouthed, then said, "That is in the Bible?" Yes, it is, and sometimes that fact shocks me, too.

I bring up my past with Gilmore and this period of my peaked cynicism and skepticism to say that I'm not really sure how to fit into Christianity. As stated, I had an issue with the American Christian stereotype a few years ago, and it can still sometimes irk me or make me uncomfortable even today. I've learned to accept that different people are going to have different relationships with God, so they'll have different ways of worshiping Him. Just because something is mainstream Christian does not mean it's insincere. That's a lesson that just keeps getting drilled into me, and I am so incredibly thankful because it is what has allowed me to love people in ways I never would have dreamed of my freshman year. I wrote "About Ecclesiastes" during my second year of living with Gilmore when I started needing a roommate who could encourage me spiritually rather than continue to question things that had already been made known to me by the redeeming grace of God. Little did I know I would go back to questioning those things once I did get that roommate I needed, but I thank God that Sadie is way more than I ever could have imagined a roommate could be.

As for still not feeling sure about how to fit into Christianity, I do realize that's not the goal here. However, I still have to do it in some sense in order to keep in fellowship with other believers. The key to figuring all of this out has been trusting that the things God teaches me about Himself really are enough to make my faith worth sharing not only with my fellow believers but even with the Gilmores out there. Likewise, I have learned so much about God through other Christians, even the ones I might have pegged the mainstream fakes. Right now, my encouragement is looking back and seeing how many layers of hate and cynical judgements God has peeled off me so that He may be glorified and that I may find the joy in that. Sometimes I really dislike falling into using Christian speak, but I know Christian speak can be either insincere or entirely reverent, depending on delivery and perspective. I also know that living to judge between the two and to condemn the insincere only makes me insincere in my calling.

Now I'm going to let you know how happy I am that this post exists, because I have been so spiritually constipated. I needed to regain perspective. In a way, I needed a fresher perspective. My life with God gets pretty dull when I fail to realize how dynamic it can be. He's done a lot of Good for me this summer. It's realizing how Good is Good that'll kick out the apathy and make for an even more fulfilling summer. I know it's mainstream, but it will probably even require some Scripture and prayer. ;)