I just read part of an article about "hipster faith" that one of my high school friends wrote about on his Tumblr and sent the link to Sally along with my own attached message to her. I'm putting it here as a reminder to myself.
"I was reading this thinking about my own tendency to betray the uncomfortable stigmatized norm of Christianity in our country, which I know we've discussed to some extent. I've been convicted recently about how scary it is to step into the extreme of this so-called "hipster faith" (or certain variants thereof), which I recognize as being more appealing to me if I don't check myself and my priorities. If anything, this article just reminds me how necessary it is to be constantly checking ourselves in a manner open to necessary conviction rather than settling on a new "right" way. I don't think hipster faith is really terrible unless it is only being performed for selfish ends, which I know it often can be for me when I start straying into looser practices. We're always gonna find something to point at in every Christian practice and say that it's wrong. The only way to deal with that reality is to be open to seeing where we're wrong as individuals and within our groups in order to fight hypocrisy and strive for the servant attitude of Jesus. I'm starting to see how much more constructive that would be than constantly pointing fingers of blame, which is all I ever want to do. I don't want to be sick of the church and not be able to do anything about it. I would rather be sick of the state of my own soul and then work with God to see a change there first."
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
PLUG
This is where I plug my class blog, because I want it to actually function properly--meaning I actually do need comments for it to work. Don't worry, I don't *need* them in the EVERYONE MUST LIKE ME AND MY BLOGGINZ sort of way, but the comments feed into a sort of project I'm doing with the blog. So if you'd like, check it out. Read the "About" section to understand my mission here, and then comment your quick song recommendation. I'd appreciate it greatly. Thanks, all.
Click here to go to my site or any of those other random hyperlinks you may find in this post.
Here's a song!
The Shins - So Says I
Uploaded by Stellar_Heaven. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.
Click here to go to my site or any of those other random hyperlinks you may find in this post.
Here's a song!
The Shins - So Says I
Uploaded by Stellar_Heaven. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.
Yes Man and a Life Plan
Okay yes, I know there is too much blogging lately about what/where/why/how/plz_help with my life, and I know you probably don't/shouldn't really care all that much about it.
So I'm gonna name drop Zooey Deschanel right now to get you interested. *interest ignites*
Some of you may have made the connection. Zooey. Yes Man. She was in that. Yeah, I only saw that movie because I knew she starred in it. She played her typical strange, mysterious girl role, so I was inevitably endeared to her but that much more. I watched the movie with the Kirby over winter break, and I guess you could say I was inspired.
There was an overarching satirical theme mocking religious tradition (specifically Christian) in our country. Kirby looked over at my pure-holy-temple-Christian self at one point and asked, "This isn't offending you, is it?" With a hearty laugh and furrowed brow, I responded with a very strong, "No, not in the least." We've talked religion before. He knew what I meant with that response.
But I wasn't really inspired by the satire. If anything, it is a disappointing thing to watch when I let it bother me in that, "grr, you're attacking my people," sort of way, which I've all but entirely dismissed as a train of thought. I love my Christian brothers and sisters, but I see the flaws in them the same way I see the flaws in my non-Christian companions. It's not fair to expect a lot out of a sinful people. It is fair to expect a lot out of a perfect God. This is what I'm focusing on right now, and it's helping.
That being said, I was inspired by the "Yes Man" theme. Sure, it is extreme to say "yes" to absolutely everything requested of you, but I don't think it's too much to ask that we be willing to go and do. In a Jesus context, be willing to go and be a servant.
Through all of this applying for the DC Teaching Fellows and being invited to interview for it and now trying to prepare for the 6-hour interview session, my fears and doubts have been pretty consistently crushed by my desire for a "Yes Man" attitude. I would Christianize this and say it's a desire for the "Yes, God" attitude, but I think I'm not quite there. That's where I want to be, and I'm working on it.
The mindset that I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life is futile. I know my life is not ultimately up to me or even about me. Being career-minded is a huge unnecessary burden, and I'm not looking for a life of such entrapment. This helps my yes--forcing a plan that laughs in the face of fear.
So I'm gonna name drop Zooey Deschanel right now to get you interested. *interest ignites*
Some of you may have made the connection. Zooey. Yes Man. She was in that. Yeah, I only saw that movie because I knew she starred in it. She played her typical strange, mysterious girl role, so I was inevitably endeared to her but that much more. I watched the movie with the Kirby over winter break, and I guess you could say I was inspired.
There was an overarching satirical theme mocking religious tradition (specifically Christian) in our country. Kirby looked over at my pure-holy-temple-Christian self at one point and asked, "This isn't offending you, is it?" With a hearty laugh and furrowed brow, I responded with a very strong, "No, not in the least." We've talked religion before. He knew what I meant with that response.
But I wasn't really inspired by the satire. If anything, it is a disappointing thing to watch when I let it bother me in that, "grr, you're attacking my people," sort of way, which I've all but entirely dismissed as a train of thought. I love my Christian brothers and sisters, but I see the flaws in them the same way I see the flaws in my non-Christian companions. It's not fair to expect a lot out of a sinful people. It is fair to expect a lot out of a perfect God. This is what I'm focusing on right now, and it's helping.
That being said, I was inspired by the "Yes Man" theme. Sure, it is extreme to say "yes" to absolutely everything requested of you, but I don't think it's too much to ask that we be willing to go and do. In a Jesus context, be willing to go and be a servant.
Through all of this applying for the DC Teaching Fellows and being invited to interview for it and now trying to prepare for the 6-hour interview session, my fears and doubts have been pretty consistently crushed by my desire for a "Yes Man" attitude. I would Christianize this and say it's a desire for the "Yes, God" attitude, but I think I'm not quite there. That's where I want to be, and I'm working on it.
The mindset that I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life is futile. I know my life is not ultimately up to me or even about me. Being career-minded is a huge unnecessary burden, and I'm not looking for a life of such entrapment. This helps my yes--forcing a plan that laughs in the face of fear.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
let's focus on tomorrow instead of right now
This funny thing has happened.
This funny thing where I applied for something and now they want me to interview.
And it's only January. This isn't the January wedding I would have anticipated, but I'm rolling with it in a haze of semi-denial.
Perhaps not denial as much as it hasn't really set in. I'm still going to classes and working and tutoring and playing with friends, and by "still" I mean all of that has just started again for the last time. During winter break, I figured I should start looking for jobs or something. It was another practice in planning a theoretical future, a safe and distant observation of possibilities. Suddenly the ideas, fears, and questions I had not all that long ago are that much closer to being real. Gaps are closing. I'm a hot potato bouncing on my parents' couch, and soon I'll be bouncing out the door instead of settling in for a nice summer's stay. It's exciting. Terrifying. And still a decision away.
It's only an interview.
This funny thing where I applied for something and now they want me to interview.
And it's only January. This isn't the January wedding I would have anticipated, but I'm rolling with it in a haze of semi-denial.
Perhaps not denial as much as it hasn't really set in. I'm still going to classes and working and tutoring and playing with friends, and by "still" I mean all of that has just started again for the last time. During winter break, I figured I should start looking for jobs or something. It was another practice in planning a theoretical future, a safe and distant observation of possibilities. Suddenly the ideas, fears, and questions I had not all that long ago are that much closer to being real. Gaps are closing. I'm a hot potato bouncing on my parents' couch, and soon I'll be bouncing out the door instead of settling in for a nice summer's stay. It's exciting. Terrifying. And still a decision away.
It's only an interview.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thoughts on Therapy or Therapeutic Thoughts--Pt. 2
I went to therapy again. I walked into the session this time with an agenda. During the first session, there was only so much that could be done or said about my psychological issues and what-not since we were limited to an hour. In retrospect, I probably could have increased my words per minute average and maybe gotten a little further. Time is of the essence, folks, especially in instances of restoring sanity.
So my mouth started moving the moment my butt plopped on the couch. One part of my personality that I find to be the most annoying/troubling (SPOILER ALERT) is my obsessive nature. I won't dive into it much here, because quite frankly, it's hard to explain. But I told dear Eva my woes and troubles with this tendency I have. We discussed why I am this way, which after years of psychoanalyzing myself I've basically already figured out, but when we proceeded to talk about how to change it, we were faced with two options:
1. Divert the fixation onto something healthy -- Eva's example: therapy for the rest of forever, or
2. KILL IT--the obsessive nature, that is, not the objects of obsession.
With regards to option number one, I know (stress here--know) that the correct biblical response would be to divert my fixation to God. Probably not in some creepy Mandy Moore in Saved! sort of way but in the I-know-God-can-sustain-me sort of way. I have a hard time talking about my struggles in this area, because I think I tend to rub up against the danger zone when it comes to my questions of faith. There are times a question will form in my mind, and it turns everything I believe upside-down in an instant. Fickle, I know. Foolish, yes probably. Dangerous, perhaps. Neurotic, most definitely. But to ignore those questions would only lead to an existential crisis later on. I know this because it has happened before. However, I do believe and can't help but believe in Truth. I believe it exists, and I believe it's God. Cryptic and open-ended as that may seem sometimes, it is my comfort. I would like to experience consistency of faith in salvation and constant appeals to God, and I do suppose that is what I should be striving for all the time. But sometimes it's not. That's all I can really say about it. It's just not.
As for option number two, I'm not really sure how to kill it. The obsession is like a hunger, but I've also discovered it is largely bred from fear. Fear of purposelessness, unimportance, unfounded routines, etc. Having a healthy fear of God would probably be helpful with this option, too. In general, I don't see how God is not the answer, but I also struggle at times to see how God is the answer. All I know is that God is the only thing that ever really makes sense, and there is a reason for that.
So my mouth started moving the moment my butt plopped on the couch. One part of my personality that I find to be the most annoying/troubling (SPOILER ALERT) is my obsessive nature. I won't dive into it much here, because quite frankly, it's hard to explain. But I told dear Eva my woes and troubles with this tendency I have. We discussed why I am this way, which after years of psychoanalyzing myself I've basically already figured out, but when we proceeded to talk about how to change it, we were faced with two options:
1. Divert the fixation onto something healthy -- Eva's example: therapy for the rest of forever, or
2. KILL IT--the obsessive nature, that is, not the objects of obsession.
With regards to option number one, I know (stress here--know) that the correct biblical response would be to divert my fixation to God. Probably not in some creepy Mandy Moore in Saved! sort of way but in the I-know-God-can-sustain-me sort of way. I have a hard time talking about my struggles in this area, because I think I tend to rub up against the danger zone when it comes to my questions of faith. There are times a question will form in my mind, and it turns everything I believe upside-down in an instant. Fickle, I know. Foolish, yes probably. Dangerous, perhaps. Neurotic, most definitely. But to ignore those questions would only lead to an existential crisis later on. I know this because it has happened before. However, I do believe and can't help but believe in Truth. I believe it exists, and I believe it's God. Cryptic and open-ended as that may seem sometimes, it is my comfort. I would like to experience consistency of faith in salvation and constant appeals to God, and I do suppose that is what I should be striving for all the time. But sometimes it's not. That's all I can really say about it. It's just not.
As for option number two, I'm not really sure how to kill it. The obsession is like a hunger, but I've also discovered it is largely bred from fear. Fear of purposelessness, unimportance, unfounded routines, etc. Having a healthy fear of God would probably be helpful with this option, too. In general, I don't see how God is not the answer, but I also struggle at times to see how God is the answer. All I know is that God is the only thing that ever really makes sense, and there is a reason for that.
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