Dead Week Alive

Thus commences dead week. Quite a name to live up to, yeah? This whatever I have, which I've come to term "the disorder" doesn't seem to understand the connotations of dead week. As Claire said earlier today, we can't easily deny the reality of having something medically wrong with a brain if we clearly see that we can have knee, liver, and stomach problems (amongst others). It's been verified (again). There's definitely something wrong with my brain.

That, compounded with the knowledge that I could have done so much better in college but didn't, drags me down to a feeling of being nearly dead. What am I even doing to show God my gratefulness for all he's done for me? How am I rejoicing in him despite my circumstances, or even due to these circumstances. I am by far not the worst person off on this planet, and all of this doesn't have to feel so alienating. I've had some of the most amazing conversations with friends and family over these past few days that have shown me that I'm not alone and I'm not a lost cause. For that I am grateful, and that's where I slowly start to find joy and peace through these trials. God could leave me moaning in the corner, but he has equipped my friends and family to pull me up from that place even when they don't know how. Love finds a place in these times and spreads until it's finally all I can see.