Uncomfortable

I like to imagine what I will say about this blog of mine ten years after I abandon it. I will likely laugh at my ignorance, my immaturity, and my general young-twenties-ness. Ten years ahead is a funny place to look. It's important for me to focus on the far distant, not guaranteed future during these times of transition, though, or else I get sucked into the vortex of my paralyzed present. I've spent the greater part of this day holed up in my room, occasionally stepping out to grab lunch with mom, sit outside, or desperately search for a distraction from my present depth of thought. I can't be left on my own. My mind never ceases to amaze me in how well it can beat me up and cast doubt on everything Good in my life.

I'm going to be in Mathews for less than a week, and I can't even handle that. Like a distraught child sneaks out and runs away from home, I want to run away from my mind. But just as that child can't ever truly escape, nor can I. We have to deal. I was sick of being at college. No, I don't want to go back, but there's not much more comfort in the unknown--even less comfort in liminality. Clearly, God won't stop trying to show me true comfort in himself. Stubborn child, it's time to sneak back home.