...To the Life!

I remember one day when I was working at camp during the summer of 2008, I was talking to a fellow college kid on staff, Geraud, about school and careers and whatnot. He told me all about his potential avenues of work and other general things he was interested in pursuing on the side. As these conversations tend to go, he flipped the question around and asked me what I wanted to do after college. Whether he liked it or not, he also flipped the switch that turned my mouth on auto-pilot. "I don't know." Now saying, "I don't know," may seem like a cop-out to thinking about it, but Lord knows I have no problems in that area. "I don't know" is a genuine answer to the question of what I want to do after college. I really don't know what I want, which I have pretty well established on this here blog. Sometimes I perceive I'm growing increasingly aware of what I need. Not just after college, but right now. Obviously the need I've been continually falling on my face before is Jesus, and blogging is making me ever-aware of how frequently this is happening to me and how necessary that frequency is. But I do realize the grand plan God has for my life is not limited to me falling before Him every two seconds. Rather, He wants to root me in that attitude o' servitude so that all the work of my hands and all of my toil won't be in vain. All that *I've* done should wind up at His feet (along with me) every day. Although, as you may have assumed, Geraud wouldn't accept "I don't know" as an answer. He pushed and prodded a bit, even throwing out suggestions--one of which was teaching. I told him that I'd had several people in my life trying to convince me to become a 5th or 6th grade math teacher, but that I also didn't know if that's necessarily where God wanted me to be. His response to this actually did throw me off a bit. He suggested that since so many people were telling me this, perhaps it was time for me to hear God speaking through these people. Perhaps. Perhaps I shouldn't wait for fireworks to shoot out of my ears upon the eventual utterance of the *right* career for me. Ever since the camp experience, my mother will occasionally throw out the idea of me becoming a missionary because of how well that *fits*. Now, I can't know whether she's just a wee bit jealous that one of her sister's daughters is down in Mexico teaching deaf kids about Jesus or if this is something she prays about for me and is, as I am, listening for an answer from God. Either way, I know that my future does not lie simply in the respective wills of my beloved family and friends, but I do know that God put 'em all up in my business for a reason. Which brings me to the sermon preached by Pastor Van Loomis at Redeeming Grace Baptist Church this past Sunday. He's been doing a series called "What is a Disciple?" At the end of this particular sermon, he said, "Alright, I don't know if I really have time for this, but I feel like it's important to take you to 2 Corinthians 11:16-33 as we close..." This is where Paul talks about his sufferings as an apostle: "Are they servants of Christ? I am a better one--I am talking like a madman--with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant? If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." -v. 23-30 There have been few times in my life when a sermon has really pulled and contorted my mind and heart at the same time, leaving me feeling a bit like mush in my seat once the Benediction has been offered up. But this was one of them, and all I could think was "Canada" ...Canada? ...I don't know, but I do trust in the providence of God.