OF ALL TIME

Have I mentioned on here that I was the worst co-leader of a women's Bible study of all time last semester? Well, now I'm letting you know. The word "worst" here is not a reflection of the quality of my "leadership" or whatever during the actual study. It's in reference to being a co-leader... or not being one rather, alongside the best co-leader, Ashley Peterson. If you've read much of my blog from this past semester, you know I went through some pretty basic spiritual crazies. Self-inflicted, no doubt. It was ridiculous, and it made for a flaky semester as a Bible study leader as you may or may not imagine. Sometimes I just wouldn't go. Sometimes I'd go but not really talk. Once I went and forced my thoughts on people. It was weird. But it brought me to a few days ago when I hadn't even opened my Bible to Hebrews, the book we're studying, let alone opened my thoughts to it. Then, not so out of the blue, I got a text from Peterso asking my thoughts on what to do for Bible study next semester. No thoughts. No prayers. No nothing.

And this brought me to a few minutes ago on the phone with Peterso. My thoughts and prayers have been on the Bible study since her text, but my thoughts continue to be uneasy. And a minor scheduling conflict gave me just a bit more confirmation to know that I really need to step down. For this semester at least. And though I feel like I've pulled the ultimate flake-out and am the ultimate quitter, I do know SO well that it simply is not about me. I most definitely have needs, but I am most most definitely NOT needed. And I firmly believe this chick will be a great leader with or without me, and as she told me, she has been prepared to lead this on her own ever since she thought I wouldn't be returning to school for this past semester. So, Peterso, if you're reading this, thank you for being such a strong leader all semester, and thanks especially for putting up with my weakness. Who you were was who I needed as a co-leader through all of this, and I love you. :-* (Yeah, I just pulled the awkward off-center kiss emoticon out on you.)

So now I'm kind of all "que sera sera" about next semester. All I know is that I need to be a for real student who does homework and studies finally, which may require more library time. I also know that I'll be back to working the mail room and copy center jobs I love for 9.5 hours a week, and I'm ecstatic about that. AND I've got one of my best friends not only back at school after studying abroad last semester but also residing in my apartment with my absolutely fabulous roommate and me. Oh, and I've got an awesome God I've flaked out on entirely too much, who is deserving of all my efforts and attention and who has been humbling me in all the right ways these past few days, so I'm just a be throwin' my "que sera sera"s all up in his business now. I'm sure you'll be reading soon enough how that works out.