As claimed in my Thanksgiving post, I really do love soaking up these final lingering moments on campus. They do possess those special qualities I spelled out before, and I can't help but think about how much I'm going to miss these moments as well as the beginning moments of August and the in-between moments of everything else. If I was honest with myself, though, I'd look back and remember the pain I felt throughout most of October and part of November in having such a drastic and willful separation from worshiping and living for God. Maybe I wouldn't miss it all so much if I relived that tight feeling in my gut of not knowing what my life was for. Maybe... except for all the other Good that came during that experience and out of that experience. I wouldn't necessarily say this is me desperately scraping for an optimistic thread of thought. And while my ever-positive roommate Sadie Smith has definitely injected some of her bright-side serum into me, I've also come to realize a lot of the "honest" and "realistic" thoughts I used to compose my words before weren't quite as honest or real as I thought they were. If I want to be real, if I want to be honest, I have to see the Good all the time. Call that plain optimism if you want, but I'm gonna call it living with a purpose beyond worth. As for missing all of this, I will. I have a lot to look forward to in the coming month, but I really can't get over the blessing it has been to be here for the past few months when I didn't think I would be. To see the ways my friends have grown and learned, to grow and learn with them. To fight my resistance in order to finally call Jesus Christ my Savior with the most genuine warmth and knowledge inside. Thankfully, I shouldn't ever have to miss that.