Death and Desire

"My question--that which at the age of fifty brought me to the verge of suicide--was the simplest of questions, lying in the soul of every man... a question without an answer to which one cannot live. It was: 'What will come of what I am doing today or tomorrow? What will come of my whole life? Why should I live, why wish for anything, or do anything?' It can also be expressed thus: Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy?"
-Leo Tolstoy, A Confession

This is what fascinates me to no end. I just finished The Reason For God, and it may be one of the best books I've ever read. I've been through Ecclesiastes 1 with the youth at church so far, and though it is an enormously depressing introduction basically making the same point as Tolstoy here, I recall discussing the passing joy of something new with the kids. I asked them why everything new becomes boring and what makes them so desire the next big thing when they know that it, too, will fade. Answers were uncertain, of course.

My deep desire for purpose has not waned since it first was sparked however many years ago, and I don't suspect it ever will. The way it seems to me, my desire for a general purpose is becoming a more direct desire for the glorification of God--that is, my desire is becoming less about my purpose and more about God's purpose. That sort of desire cannot possibly wane as long as it is being fed by the words of God himself.