Matters of Awesomeness and Not Awesomeness

Once upon a time I got tested by my doctor to see whether I am actually clinically depressed. This was a couple of years ago, I think. She told me I'm not depressed, but yes, I'm on the slightly depressed end of the scale. I figure that sort of sucks, but hey, it's manageable. I know that it's simply not likely that I will ever be the happy-go-lucky type and it maybe won't ever be a consistent practice of mine to notice all of the half-full glasses around me. My weaknesses and my doubts are wonderful things that force me back into communion with God.

One of the girls I tutor who typically struggles with math was on fire this morning, and we breezed through four lessons. It was awesome.

This evening I met with a friend who desperately needed help with Statistics, and I was unable to help her given the really tight time constraint and urgency of the situation. I didn't feel like a failure for this, but I did have to watch her feel like a failure. That was hard. It wasn't all that awesome.

There are highs and there are lows. I get them. I feel them. I'm not depressed--just sometimes. That's normal. I think the fact that life can't always be peachy is an okay thing to be sad or upset about. I still want to get out of bed each morning, and I still want to figure out how to glorify God with the time He's given me on Earth.

My mom still thinks I might have mental issues, so I have another appointment on Monday to see if I'm crazy. Becca doesn't think I am, and I don't really think I am either. Still, it'll be nice to talk to someone about it directly--my sanity, that is. Plus, I get to talk about God to my doctor because He does play a big part in my psyche. So that's awesome.