IDK

"Now I'm gonna go get fired," finished my freshly encouraged mother.

Yeah, we had another inevasible confrontation during which we discussed my issues as a daughter, friend, and servant of God. No, these talks aren't a barrel of monkeys for me, but they are all too important for me to keep wanting to run away from them. Too bad they can't always be timed so perfectly so as to get my mother to work on time and not an hour late. (Doubtful she gets fired--they love her. Understandably so.)

The thing about these conversations is, I know. However, I realize saying, "I know," is generally one of the most dismissive things you can say to one in a conversation, so I've worked pretty hard on getting it out of my bank of responses. What's equally difficult to this erasure is refilling that empty space with a constructive response, and I think I may be getting a little better at that as well. Evidence of this is how amicably this morning's confrontation flowed and ended. Further evidence is how much more insight I feel I have after coming out of it. The best result is that I don't believe as I staunchly did before that my relationship with my mother will always have to be a battle as we're trying to maintain a close mother-daughter and even friend-friend relationship.

Because I found out that at the root of all her frustration and misunderstanding, she really does just want to see me loving and living for God. I know she's wondering, Is that so much to ask? I say, Shouldn't be. But what kind of bull-crap response is that? I'd want to slap me in the face and say, "WELL FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE, KID, AND YOU'RE GOING NOWHERE." So all things considered, she's been handling all of this really well. Really well.

So while I refrain from verbal "I know"s, they still blare in my mind as strong retorts, and I can't say that's much help either. 'Cuz I don't know, and I know that I don't know.