Going to a coffee shop to get things done may be a dangerous choice for one who is already jacked up on approximately four cups of coffee from this morning, and I can't say this medium hot chocolate is doing much to settle my nerves.
Now I'm hunkered down in a worn-out Caribou cushion, trying to read Ecclesiastes 3 through a physical and mental haze. The BCM freshmen and I are planning on delving into this bit of Scripture tomorrow evening, and I do believe this "lesson" is rather timely--at least for me.
This is the part where I address that I've been "leading" a freshman Bible study all semester with no real goal or agenda. This too may be a dangerous move, but with such a diverse group it is difficult to distinguish one specific need to which I should cater. All I know is that these freshmen should be figuring out all of those cryptic things like who they are in Christ and how to love God and others and themselves. There doesn't seem to be a formula for doing these things, and I especially can't assume that any of them even have these goals set for themselves.
That means we read the Bible, and I can only pray that God is speaking to them in ways that I don't know how to do. I can also hope that I don't misrepresent Ecclesiastes as the truly uplifting book it is and instead close out the school year with a room full of Debbie Downers.
And I tell them what I know. And I tell them that which I don't know. And I strive for honesty about myself and about how I see myself as a Christian. It's not that I think I'm so important to any of these people, but since I am a senior and I am their Bible study leader, I do know I have some influence here.
If I leave them wanting to adopt any quality I've displayed, I want that to be my genuineness. I want them to know that I was real, and that I was really real when I told them that I love them and that I want them to love God and to want to understand God. I want them to figure out how that works for them individually, and I want them to know that the world shouldn't shape their faith. I want them to be learning and discerning and caring and loving and trying and praying. I want to see the good and the potential in all of them, and I want them to see that in themselves and in each other.
There is a time to keep, and a time to cast away. This is my time to keep them in my care in a very direct way. This is when I fumble around trying to do the right thing while God really is doing the right thing for all of us. Soon enough it'll be time for me to cast myself away, and that's when I get to still rest assured that God is still doing the keeping business. For God, it's always a time to.
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"If I leave them wanting to adopt any quality I've displayed, I want that to be my genuineness. I want them to know that I was real, and that I was really real when I told them that I love them and that I want them to love God and to want to understand God. I want them to figure out how that works for them individually, and I want them to know that the world shouldn't shape their faith. I want them to be learning and discerning and caring and loving and trying and praying. I want to see the good and the potential in all of them, and I want them to see that in themselves and in each other."
ReplyDeleteThis right here is why it is a joy to know you. When you ask me what you even have to offer, this is what I can't find the right words to convey. It is your honesty, it is your real struggle for these things yourself that begs of us to do it, too. To struggle *and* to be honest.
Thanks for wanting these things for all of us. It makes me want it for myself that much more.