Oh... Faith.

Ah, I finally had a mind dump Tuesday evening, which was great since my mind had been constipated since I got back to school (my apologies for the fecal analogy). Though I am now two days removed from the evening, I'm still on a bit of a high from the weight that was finally lifted... or the clarity that was finally wrought. I'd love to go into it here, but I found that as I tried to tell a friend this morning how great it was to finally talk to a like-minded friend about what's been weighing me down lately, I found I really could not relay any of the thoughts or conversation to her. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, see this post. I basically hit the point where I had to ask what on earth (or not on earth) I truly believed. Not only believed, but had faith in. I had to wonder why I went home for the summer and simply could not continue on in faith as I had at school. Truth is, I'm wrong. You're wrong. That guy over there -- yeah, he's wrong, too. But what is right? What is true? What is faith? Where is faith? Why is faith? These are the questions that have allowed the weeds of apathy to spread across not only my heart but even my mind. What's the point? I'd ask. Over and over. I'd cry. Over and over. God is and was always there, but God was so limited. He was trapped inside a book that I didn't want to read. It was Tuesday evening's revelation-laden conversations that brought me to finally say, "No, God is in those places that I've been lead to believe He isn't." This is hard to explain because it sounds so fundamental, but honestly, this has not been a simple revelation. Our churches' rules, opinions, and various other constructs have limited God too much. For me, at least. What I was hearing was: "God is for me, and He is for you, too! ...as long as you believe this, that, and the other thing." That is the mindset I am shedding, and it has allowed me to see God like I've never seen God before. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1 What are you hoping for? I am hoping for God's authority, not only over my piddly revelations and moments of angst, but over anything that ever hinders anyone from a true faith. I'm hoping for hope.