Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

What does it mean to be in the presence to God?
What does it mean to *feel* the presence of God?

I spent the majority of my thinking and praying time this past weekend at Eagle Eyrie caught up in these two questions. Asking them to God feels a little strange--to think, "God, where are you?" when that question can really only *feel* like it's being projected into thin air. Recently a girl I attend Bible study with shared that she feels like her prayers are bouncing off the walls. She was yearning and praying for God to do something big and apparent and meaningful and purposeful and without-a-doubt Godful. That desperation has manifested itself in similar ways for me at somewhat frequent times this junior year of college, so I was totally feeling her when she was telling us all about this so freely. The funny part was when she was asked to close the study in prayer and she could really only give a bit of a smirk before she started praying, revealing that she *knows* she's still gotta pray even when her prayers are boomeranging in her head.

That's the cool thing about spiritual lows and feeling out of tune with God. You can't ever really say something weird is up with God, like he suddenly decided he doesn't like you today or that he really is just playing games with you for funzies. Even when you're frustrated with God that he doesn't feel accessible anymore, you still know his truths and his qualities that are forever fixed. Whenever God is up to something, it would be a lie to say he's not doing it for your good. A blatant lie. It's the truth of salvation that holds onto you, not vice versa, so as Jon Foreman sings, "It would be a lie to run away."

I believe love encompasses a lot more than we can ever understand. I do praise God for that, even when I'm not feelin' him.

For a little scriptural version of what's been boomeranging up in my own head and in my prayers, here's Psalm 13:

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for he has been good to me.