I Feel It All

There's been a tightening in my chest since Friday morning, and I don't understand where it came from or why it's there. For as of Friday morning at 10:00, UMW has been closed, so I've been supposedly living free of stress and anxiety. But as circumstances theoretically wouldn't have foretold, I am feeling quite the opposite. Something is heavy on me, and it's something that clearly shouldn't simply be ignored.

My old roommate Gilmore came over today, and we talked about her life, trying to sort through some of the nitty gritty and gain perspective on the overall. The conversation was good for her, and it was good for me as well. I realize how optimistic my views really are when I have that sort of time to meditate on and share them, and I also renew my sense of how much I really do long for Divine presence and purpose in my life. It was also nice to hear where she's been in her mind recently and to what place she has come. It's a little strange to not get the play-by-play like I used to, but there is something particularly more meaningful and necessary about this once in a blue moon mode of conversations we have going on.

Just like there's something particularly meaningful and necessary about my (no longer so) new living situation with Sadie. Her shared thoughts and perspectives have been more than encouraging to me ever since our first late-into-the-night conversation, and it's these examples of evolved relationships that bring me a greater sense of Divine presence and purpose.

It's the evolution of everything, really. It's seeing God here and there and everywhere. It's seeking God here, there and everywhere. It's knowing that even though I'm alone right now, I'm not alone right now. It's a tightening in my chest telling me that everything is so relevant. Take it all in. All of it. It's tears in my eyes because there's nothing else to do with this feeling but cry it out. Not because it's bad but because it's needed. It's finally feeling like He's got it and finally not taking that for granted. It's fear, relief, urgency, rest, desperation, and contentment. Most importantly, it's God, and it's God's love for me.